DILUTION

Today it felt like I had mastered the trick. I believed that it was possible to care and not lose myself, it worked -- seemed to work for the shortest while, until he found the words I didn't want to hear.

It was another sunset, like the many we've shared together. Another cool evening with the black soot in the air and the blaring horns of hurrying white-collar workers; tired of the days slaving at the office, permeating the air from the distance. We never cared about them, at least I didn't, and I doubt he ever did.

I always looked forward to his calls every evening, and today wasn't any different. The phone barely rang when I hit the green button and closed my eyes to let his voice light up my entire being. It wasn't deep, nor did he have the baritone kind, his is soft and somewhat pitchy, yet he finds a way to sound so delicious that I taste him with my eyes firmly closed, and my lower lip in between my teeth. 

"I'm at the gate..." his favourite words to me at this time of the day. Those words would have me forget my responsibilities to my sibling and make a beeline for the gate. Keme would often roll his eyes when I dart across the room, he knows I care about the man at the gate. I have often wondered what it'll be like to properly introduce him to Keme and smile like a proud wife when I watch him play with him, yet something tells me to put a lid on it and just be the friend that he wants me to be. 

Our estate is a small one, with very reserved oil workers who mind their business and rarely talk to each other; another reason why]I felt it was fate that brought him my way. He could have driven into his apartment gate that lovely Sunday evening, but he stopped and waved as I jogged by his car. I had made it a routine to jog within the estate since I hardly went out, my laptop was my workstation and I practically sat through the whole day. 

I noticed his smile before I saw his waving hand. He opened the door, got down from the car and I almost tripped. 

"Chuma" he said extending his hand which I reluctantly took, even though I would have preferred a hug. 

Weeks turned to months and he gradually became my favourite person in the estate and in the whole world, with the exception of my family, Clarisa who chose Abuja over me, and steven454, my online clubhouse pal.

I liked him, he was comfortable around me and his eyes told me all I needed to know about my place in his life. I felt safe to share with him and most nights he would share and ice the cake with a hug that was always seven seconds long. 

He isn't married, and I know he fancies me because I see the way he bathes me with his eyes whenever we are talking outside our gates. I never understood why he never invited me into his house, a gentleman perhaps. All he needed to do was ask and I would change my last name in a heartbeat.

This evening I ran out without properly tying my scarf, we talked for a few hours and then came the silence. I have seen a lot of Hollywood movies and these silent moments were usually followed by the "Boy-kiss-girl" moment or the "I love you" declarations, but this silence was deafening. 

Chuma held my gaze for the longest thirteen seconds of our entire lives before standing from the curb on the street, within the estate, where we sat. 

I held his hands and his eyes closed. Something leapt in me, I knew he was looking for the words to finally tell me how he felt. I took his hands and felt his fingers tighten around mine.

Chuma's eyes finally opened and his mouth followed, but nothing came out. I smiled, it must have been hard for him to come to terms with his emotions, I was ready to be patient. 

I remembered I hadn't returned the finger tightening communication he started, so I applied a little pressure and he cracked a faint smile. I caught it and my heart slowed down two beats. 

"Can we be friends?" Chuma finally said. 

At first, it sounded funny, FRIENDS? What exactly have we been doing all this while? This must be the joke of the evening.

"We are friends" I jeered but his face still held that serious tone. 

"You know what I mean." 

His words came with understanding, and I couldn't deny knowledge of what he implied. 

Suddenly, I became aware of the horns outside the estate gate, the distraction was very welcome. My eyes suddenly found the marbles on the ground interesting. I didn't want to look up, look into his eyes and have him see how much his words hurt me.

He sensed it and pulled me in for a hug I wasn't ready for. It felt good, we broke our seven seconds record and held on to each other for an extra two seconds. 

He then held my shoulders and said "Goodnight." I mumbled a reply and we parted ways. I got to my gate and turned back hoping he'll maybe run towards me, lift me up and tell me something different, but I guess Hollywood doesn't tell us the whole truth. 

Chuma turned, but he waved as though nothing happened and shouted "Goodnight Amy" his voice was so composed and friendly that a tear escaped my left eye. 

I waved back and disappeared into my gate only to see Keme sitting on the floor with his toys. I was expecting his usual eye-rolling, but his arms flew apart inviting me for a hug, which I knelt and took.

Keme placed a soft kiss on my cheek. 

"I love you sis," he said and resumed playing with spiderman. 

Read the 2nd part if this story here 

https://klynic.blogspot.com/2021/07/infusion.html

I love you 3000😍😍😍

-Your favourite writer 

THE KLYNIC

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