INFUSION

This evening finally came. I thought I had escaped it completely, but I guess somehow I knew I couldn't give sweet, nice, smart and geeky-in-the-sexiest-way-possible Amy, what she wanted. She always has an answer to every question and knows how to fill the silence in our conversations with witty statements that make me crack a smile, but tonight was different.

I could see it in her eyes that I had hurt her, but I couldn't take my words back. I knew she'll forgive me in an instant if I told her it was all a joke. She has a big heart and maybe that is the problem. She sees an "us" that puts holy fear into my bones.

"Gamophobia," Kenny chimed when I told him about the girl in my estate. To all the questions he asked, trying to find something to fault her, I had nothing negative to say. Her only flaw would be her capacity to love. Hers is a heart that can power an entire nation and honestly, it scares me.

Meeting Amy wasn't a coincidence, at least I want to think that it wasn't. I am not one to stop for minor chit chats on the road with strangers no matter how beautiful they might be. She was the definition of beauty; with eyes like the sun, kinky black hair which sat perfectly on her skull, and a smile that could brighten a dark soul. Through my tinted car window, that fateful Sunday evening, I could clearly see how different she was from the other girls in the estate who would gawk at my car, willing the door to open for them to devour whoever sat behind the wheels. 

She was different and it was obvious. 

I checked my gear, it was still in DRIVE, Jubril had rolled the gate to the right. My quiet bachelor pad stood tall in front of me and then I saw her jogging. 

Everything froze, my heart, my mind, my will, and time let me have my moment by standing still. Bollywood would always drop the playback speed in their movies when they want us to believe the most absurd things in film history, but right at that moment, it was different. This wasn't the movies, this wasn't Priyanka Chopra, nor did she wear long hair that would have danced in the evening wind. Her short hair didn't even bounce on her head as she jogged, yet she looked so heavenly, jogging by in a slow-mo that would give the telenovelas a run for their money. 

I had to lower the car window, and almost immediately, she looked in my direction. I found myself smiling and somehow my hands were already in the air waving at her. I wasn't sure what was happening, and I guess Jubril was as clueless as I was because he gave me the weirdest look I had ever seen on his face.

She returned my smile and something melted in my stomach, pushing my hands to open the door and willing my legs out of the car. 

I wasn't sure how she would react, I cleared my throat and swallowed hard as she came closer to me. 

My hands seeming to enjoy the company extended, and she took them. Hers were soft, too soft it felt like she wasn't human. It was the perfect combination of baby bottom and chubby cheeks, and I wished I could pull her closer for reasons I couldn't understand at the time. 

"Amarachi," she said after I introduced myself. This was the beginning of someone to look forward to after a long stressful day at work.

Weeks turned to months and my day wasn't complete if she didn't hear how it went. She would always listen and give nuggets to make work the next day bearable for me. 

I grew to love her, I know she loves me. 

Most nights when I say goodnight, I die inside. I want her closer, I want her in my space, but I feel it'll be too much on my side. I know she wouldn't mind, yet I am not convinced I am ready to have someone else who I lived for.

Money isn't a problem, her family is comfortable enough and my job can take care of us for the next 14 years if we both decide to get married and live on my salary alone. 

There is the issue of her body. Amy is a perfect ten. I get careless sometimes and let my lust lead when I am with her. I know she sees when I stare at her bosom or hold on to her a little longer than usual when we hug. 

The few times I intentionally graze her behind after we hug goodnight, I feel her shudder and catch the glimmer of hope in her eyes and it scares me. 

I know she isn't sex-for-hire, but I am confident she'll give all of her to me. I don't think I am ready for that type of commitment. 

This evening, I struggled for the longest hour in my car after pulling into my apartment building. Drawing strength from alien sources, I left my car unlocked and strolled to her gate. 

Her lively caller tune was replaced by the emotionless ring ring MTN suffered us to listen to. I took that as a sign.

"Hey Chu," her voice came through ever so sweet and I almost regretted telling her my mind today and in a few minutes, she was running out of her gate with her scarf dancing on her head. 

I started off telling her about the mad traffic at GRA junction this morning that almost cost me my car bumper and side mirror, to which she laughed and advised me to try and breathe twice before engaging Portharcout drivers. 

This evening felt like she already prepared answers, waiting on me to get to the main point. 

I stalled, I tried so hard to fight not having to say what I knew I'll regret saying, but then the silence came and I prayed she'll save the day with one of her witty remarks.

She said nothing. It was a first.

The curb on which we sat gradually got uncomfortable and interestingly hot, fueled by the silence that pervaded the quiet neighbourhood. 

The look in her eyes haunted me. If this was a break-up it would have been easier to pull off, this was something deeper and different. 

I knew she felt my aching heart, I could see it in her eyes. She wanted more, I wanted more. She was ready for me, and I was absent. 

I felt those hands of hers reach for mine, holding them and my eyes closed in a bit to fight back the emotions that ravaged me. 

I let my fingers interlock with hers and held them in that position for the longest three seconds of my existence.

I willed my eyes open and tried to talk, but my words betrayed me. Nothing came out. 

I panicked and immediately felt her return the finger intercourse we were silently having. 

Hope lingered in her eyes. It was so tangible that I felt inhumane for what I wanted to say to her, but I had to tell her the truth. 

I like her, I love her, I want her, I crave her, I know she feels the same, yet I feel she deserves more than just a man that wants her, she deserves some level of commitment that is alien to me. 

In another scenario, we would have been FWB's, but I know she deserves something better and long-lasting. Something I moved to this estate to work on before running into her that faithful Sunday evening. 

Most nights I wish I met her three months later than I did, maybe I would have been a bit ready to commit to her. I definitely know inviting her over will give our bodies to lust and I will be obliged to commit, even when I am not ready and I will feel trapped because I love her and don't want to break her heart. 

"Can we be friends?" I managed to say and instantly regretted the words as they left my mouth. 

The words stung her. She stared at the ground, looking at something that wasn't there.

I wasn't sure what else to do, so I let my heart do the thinking for me. 

I pulled her in for the longest hug we had ever shared. There was nothing more to say.

"Goodnight," I said as we parted ways. 

Mentally, I kicked myself severally, cursing my mouth for all the foolish things it spewed tonight. We had lost track of time and the moon had gradually tried its best to cast a shadow on the biggest tree in the estate. A tree that wouldn't approve of what I did tonight because it had stood still to listen to us gist many a time whilst it provided us with a shade for the harsh sun.

I walked a distance and turned, hoping she had already disappeared into her gate, but there she stood, looking back at me. I recognized a familiar friend in her eyes, HOPE, and my heart tore a few meters to my core. 

"Goodnight Amy" was the stupidest thing I found myself saying, to a woman who literally just had her heart torn apart by a man she loved to bits. My night couldn't get any worse. 

A car drove by her estate and its headlight danced across her face, and I saw it. A tear...

I made Amy cry. 

I wish I can take it all back. 

I love you 3000😍😍😍

-Your favourite writer 

THE KLYNIC

If you missed reading Amy's side of the story, click this link to get the full picture 

https://klynic.blogspot.com/2021/07/dilution.html

I look forward to reading your comments in the comment section.